I enjoyed a wonderful holiday dinner with a girlfriend I hadn’t seen in several years.

We worked together “in another life” and lost contact as our career paths went in different directions.

We reconnected after “Robyn” found my email address on a professional social networking site. It was a pleasant surprise for I had always found her engaging, intelligent, and authentic. Robyn is one of those women you ‘hate.’ Not only is she extremely attractive; Robyn is nice, generous, and hard-working.

When we were colleagues, I could also count on her to get the job done. She carried her weight — and then some. There were no last minute calls in ‘sick;’ using children as excuses to arrive late or leave early; developing strategies to manipulate the system to do the least amount of work; or, failing to do a little extra for the Team.

Workplace drama and minutiae drove Robyn nuts.

Although she also worked above and beyond the call of duty, Robyn was never concerned about getting the credit or needing a pat on the back — she’s a super Lady.

Robyn was just that confident that she didn’t need anybody to tell her she was doing a good job.

It was a given.

So when she moved on to bigger and better things, I wasn’t surprised. She got a better job— making more money; and, enjoying the fruits of her labor.

It was a joy working with her and I couldn’t wait to see her again.

I arrived at the restaurant a few minutes early to make sure I looked my best — she always did — and, I prepared myself to share my recent achievements — she always would.

When Robyn spotted me, I was sitting at the bar watching Mo’Nique and Vivica A. Fox on the flat screen television above the rows of top shelf liquor.

I was so engrossed that I didn’t realize that Robyn was also watching with great interest.

Vivica’s compelling analysis of her relationship with 50 Cent on The Mo’Nique Show was must-see TV.

Take a look at a portion of the interview.  You can see the entire interview below.

Robyn startled me with a “tell me about it,” underneath her breath.

I turn to see Robyn looking fabulous yet with melancholy in her eyes. Before I could say, “Where’d you get those boots, girl,” Robyn was in tears. It was a bit disconcerting because I’ve never witnessed Robyn’s vulnerable side — similar to my reaction to Vivica’s uncharacteristic display of emotion.

We move to a table in the back for privacy.

Over wine, salmon, spinach, and aged port she tells me about her unexpected deep love and unexpected deeper heartbreak.

Robyn had a brief yet life-changing relationship with a man she met at the gym. She wasn’t looking for love, she wasn’t looking for commitment, and she said she wasn’t even looking to make room for a man in her life.

But, life is funny.

When Robyn went to the gym, her purpose was to workout and get out. No time to socialize; she had little time to waste. After working all day, working out gave Robyn an outlet to blow off steam and maintain her youthful appearance.

But, he came with a great story; he was successful, available, and he pursued her — relentlessly.

After several failed attempts to connect with Robyn — pretending to wait for workout machines while she exercised — unfortunately, she gave him no eye contact; or, trying to strike up conversations when he was in her presence — you guessed it, Robyn always wears her ear buds on full blast; — he arranged a ‘surprise’ meeting.

He encouraged a female friend of his from the gym to make plans with Robyn.

It took many weeks to coordinate; but finally Robyn was introduced to the man who would bring her to her knees.

Bottom line — after months of dinners, movies, walks, and slowly meeting each other’s friends and family, they make it official and become exclusive.

What’s the problem, right?

A great man who loves you and wants create a future with you.

Well, here’s the rub. Robyn admits that she has a fear of commitment.

She’s still carrying wounds from the past in her handbag, and those wounds ruin her relationships.

One man after the next — she’s never without possible suitors. When one didn’t work out, there was always someone else.

Despite numerous opportunities, Robyn hasn’t been truly motivated to acknowledge that she has a pattern — a revolving door of unfulfilled relationships.

Whenever a relationship didn’t work out, Robyn would chalk it up to ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ at this time.

It’s a very easy and convenient way to ignore getting to the root of the problem.

But, this was different — he was different.

According to Robyn, this relationship was the closest to what she’s been looking for in a mate.

Now she’s scared.

She’s scared that she blew it and can’t make it right and get him back; or, that she’d never achieve this type of closeness, intimacy, and loyalty ever again.

Robyn tells me that after much reflection, she realized that she played games — she constantly tested him, engaged in emotional blackmail, and even made unnecessary demands to see if he would leave — he eventually did.

He had it with her and her “issues.” And, Robyn is aware of that — now.

Robyn admits that she was so obsessed of being hurt, cheating on, betrayed — like many other men had in the past — that she unconsciously sabotaged the relationship — a self-fulfilling prophecy.

President Barack Obama’s former law school college roommate recently wrote a book about Black relationships. Actor/author Hill Harper was on CNN promoting “The Conversation”.

He touched upon what Robyn — and many other folks like Robyn — are doing — or NOT doing — in relationships.

Harper had an additional interview on CNN. Take a look at how an African American male — who is recently engaged — interviews Harper about “The Conversation“.

Ladies, don’t be afraid to find a relationship — and, please don’t be afraid to make yourself vulnerable.

Life is too short.

Yes, you run the risk of rejection, heartbreak, and losing your mind. However, you also run the risk of never experiencing the bliss of love — or at least of pleasure of caring for someone other than yourself, your children, or your cat.

It’s a NEW YEAR! Go for it.

For your entertainment, this is the entire episode of The Mo’Nique Show with Vivica A. Fox — with ADDITIONAL footage.